Today I woke feeling more like myself than I have in a few months. I feel like somewhere in my heart I realigned with truth and who God says I am deep to my core. At first I asked, is it because the weather is changing and I love fall the most, is it because I can sit on my safe porch and read with a cup of coffee and do what I want, is it because the weird stomach virus that tried to take me out is almost completely passed (being a little dramatic on that last one-but it was bad)
but when I woke today I felt so clear, I felt awake – I felt JOY a joy I know can only come from the Lord. I felt like I had wrestled for days and days and days with my flesh, the past, the future, even God at moments – and it was over.
He delights in me- and you.
Believe that.
Do what makes you who you are- is what I heard deep in my spirit. You can live a life of worship all the time. It is possible. I like to knit- I like mason jars full of flowers all year – I like to cook for people and have a full table of laughter and love – I like to play games with my kids, I love to start my morning slow and savor His words with a cup of coffee .. that’s me. Can I still find joy if I have to wake up and go go go in a foreign nation that doesn’t speak my language – yes. I can. Because He says I can do both, and more and with joy and peace overflowing – but Most importantly ….
Because it’s not about me anymore, it’s about Him- and He will equip you when He calls you to something. But it will be easier on you if you have the endurance stored up. That’s why we take every thought captive (2Cor.10:5) and why we don’t conform to the world and we renew our minds daily (Romans 12:2)- so we have something to pull from, a well so deep within us it never runs dry.
will there be things you like or even feel you love that you have to lay down at times or maybe even forever- yes. But it won’t be who God truly made you to be anyway, you’re unique for a reason, for a purpose. We are made in His image- and called to mirror the life Jesus lived on earth; to shine like him to a dark, dying, desperate world … that doesn’t mean you don’t get to be who He made you for a time such as this along the way. He made me love words and roses and all babies and cultures and feeding people and creating things for others for a reason – Ask God to reveal those things that He put special in you today, for your heart. The things that make you special to His, they are all facets of Him after all anyway, all good things come from the Father(James 1:17) – when you ask, He will give. (Matt 7:7)
Spend some time praying, seeking His face, paying attention to things you love. Don’t strive or work or get bent out of shape if it looks different than someone else- just be patient. And if you have lived a life of pretending, or sin, or running, or hiding, or selfishness, or confusion and pain- don’t allow shame to stop you. Simply lay it all down, one thing at a time if you need to- (baby steps- are still steps) repent as needed- and then ask Him to help you! He will.
We live in a culture that is so driven to find the “real me”- pick yourself first, love yourself first, do what makes you happy— it is all such a counterfeit of real truth! It’s so exhausting and you rarely meet anyone truly “happy” they always seem angry, confused or still searching for something more.
Well I am here today to tell you- stop.
Seek first the kingdom. (Matt 6:33)
It works- I promise.
I was that girl once, long ago- rarely satisfied. Felt like everything was someone else’s fault- felt like I deserved to be happy at any cost- that’s a never ending selfish lie- it will only kill you, sometimes slow sometimes quick. I’ve been the teen mom, the young wife, the young divorced mom of three tiny toddlers in Kroger crying and grabbing things, I’ve been the mom going to school and working two jobs, I’ve been the women looking in the mirror in horror asking what has happened to her, I’ve been violated, I’ve been lied to and stuck in one place frozen with fear. – until the day I said no more. Until the day I called out to God- and surrendered my way and asked for a new one- My way wasn’t working anyway, what did I have to loose. Then everything healed(not at once, but it did all heal), and changed and real love and hope and joy came running in, like it had been waiting for me to open the door the whole time… and you know what? Things I loved started to resurface and new passions rose up in my heart, and in my life and some things I thought made me me that didn’t, just fell away. It was like I really was a surrendered piece of clay in the hands of the potter- the original master creator was and still is shaping me.
Has my life been easy and pain free every day. No, and it won’t ever be this side of heaven. But you know what- that’s okay. Each day I choose to grow closer and closer to the one who created me, and each day I learn new things about His heart and how and why He created me in the first place! It’s a beautiful journey- a journey He wants to take you on too! Unique diversity matters, and the more I travel around this world the more I see where that is God’s heart for a reason, a purpose – and I see where man and the devil have used it for the wrong reason. Let’s get back to the simple truth.
So today- I’m praying you find you. Because God is God. and that You find the you God designed in your mother’s womb. I’m praying you don’t get caught up in the world’s version of you, that you don’t get distracted by what feels fair and what doesn’t. That you wake up and move towards the truth even if you’re crawling- keep going! Ask God to guide you, to send someone to help you even, to show you, to speak to you- He will. He is faithful.
so What do you love?
Shannon R. Hess 