Shannon R. Hess

Today I sat at my grandma’s kitchen table, a place so familiar and comforting to me I could say it’s one of my favorite places on earth. I looked at her, she was eerily quiet for her. But I just looked at her, with so much thankfulness in my heart. I saw years of prayer, love and life poured out for her God, her family and her community. I saw little regrets, and laugh lines etched around her eyes, blue eyes fading with a disease that has no right to be there trying to blind her.

She must have felt me staring at her, she looked over at me and said “I’m tired”

My eyes filled with tears, she couldn’t see them. But she must have felt them. She said “you know what I mean” not a question- a statement

I did in fact know what she meant. It was a day for mourning. I felt it off and on all day- memories and tears and some laughter.

It is not a place we camp out, or allow to hold us captive. But a moment of tiredness, being without so many we love dearly and for grandma that list is many.

She wiped her one tear rolling down her cheek with the tissue in her pocket(always) and said get my checkbook.

I got up and did as she said.

She had called me earlier and asked me to come over, she wanted to give me a donation for my upcoming mission trip to India. She said she wanted it to be in memory of Heather. Then we laughed for a few moments about how fearless she was and how well she loved all people – how she never met a stray cat or dog she didn’t bring home, or a baby she wouldn’t cuddle, a song she wouldn’t dance to- she was made for a life of love and she lived it even in her short 33 years on this earth. Her level of strong will and courage was high. Higher than mine most days to be honest. And that’s okay to say- we are all uniquely different for a reason. Then we talked about Grandpa, and how he would not like all the cats she has acquired – at all. Ha! How he would love the weather and be on the golf course and how lucky they were to be with Jesus and each other – totally pain free. How cancer did not win- it may have tried but ultimately God will have the glory.

She sighed, and said: “well we are still here, that means we still have work to do”

I said- yes I know, wiping my own tear

She laughed and said well then.. go!

It was her blessing – in her own grandma way.

Today I pray you don’t rush through the mourning right to the dancing – that you don’t force yourself to try and forget or push past your God given emotions. That you grasp this truth – you can mourn and dance at the same time- because that’s when He clothes us in JOY!

Lord we give thanks to YOU forever!

Psalm 30:11-12

Grandma’s granddaughter and husband – both in heaven.